I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
