"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
