I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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