Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize