That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
