planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
