that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
