you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
