Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
