i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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