I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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