In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
