what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
