Banned from zoo.
Again?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
