If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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