May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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