apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
