I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
