I should be sponsored by Trojan
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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