dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
