wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
