p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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