genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
