I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
