Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
