i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize