can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
