The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
