I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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