make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
