I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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