it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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