All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
