I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
