Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
