Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
