Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
