Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize