I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
