I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
