So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
