There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
