Just fell off a train. Bad.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize