I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
