You can't special order awesome
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Randomize