Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
