Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
