Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
