I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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