I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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