why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
