I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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