I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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