we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
