Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
