Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
