somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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