I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
