I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
