Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
