it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize