you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
