Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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