new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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