i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
