I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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