i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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