a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
