It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
