it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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