You really coming over, don't trick.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
