so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
